JOHN EDWARDS: FOR GOVERNOR OF UTAH

I am appealing to John Edwards to run for Governor of Utah, or Nevada. The good people of those conservative states are begging for liberation from those damn liberals.

Here’s your talking points:

Tell them you are anti abortion, anti gay, anti immigration, anti truth, anti privacy, anti constitution, anti truth, anti cancer cures, anti holistic medicine, anti truth, anti free press, yadda yadda…..but PRO VACCINATIONS, because you realize that is one way to control the species.

Tell them that every new child will be named after romNEY, bob NEY, dick cheNEY, and sweeNEY. Because you have the inside info that all other politicians, outside the Circle Of Trust , don’t have.

Tell them you want to torture the hell out of the Iraqi women and children. Tell them that you will personally fund Blackwater for the next 20 years. Then, to prove it, hire their top man to help run your campaign.

Tell them that Deibold is in your geneology and all is well.

Tell them you will NEVER bring our troops home, and you will not take care of them when they return without legs. Tell them you will keep prying eyes out of all church financials because THAT money could go a long way in helping to rebuild Walter Reed.

Tell them you will make big oil richer and richer.

Tell them you will fly the Utah and Nevada flags at the White House.

Tell them that you will give Harry Reid the NATIONAL REPUBLICAN HONOR AWARD for his good work on behalf of the Bush White House.  

Tell them that old people are taking up air, and Social Security is over.

Tell them you want to kill all women who choose abortion.

Tell them you will send all mean bloggers to prison…..*somewhere*.

Tell them you want to stone all mexicans and blacks.  Except for their maids, gardeners and trash pickup.

Tell them you are going to expand Area 51 and declare Utah the Voice For God.

Tell them that everyone in America is ready for the OWR

ONE WORLD RELIGION

….because you now realize there is only one true church.

(You know it’s not really a church. But, the money is good.)  Don’t tell them that part.

Tell them gaming, 24 hour prostitution is all good as long as taxes are paid.

Tell them you won’t open any new newspaper, TV station, or Bank unless it

falls in line.

Save these people John. I know you can do it.

****************

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One Response

  1. Read my blog love. Find out where I stand on abortion and murder of any kind. I don’t see gays as queer. I have gay friends, and I like them.

    Peace

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